HEY GUESS WHAT!!!

May 27, 2011

And so it begins.

Oh my geez! I am…beyond
exhausted right now. I swear my eyes take longer to finish blinking every time.
Darn jet lag! And insomnia!

I want so badly to blame my exhaustion for the way I understand
about 50% of what everybody’s saying. But…oh, screw it. I’d at least get 75% if
I wasn’t on the verge of passing out.

So…Ireland. I can’t give my full opinion of here this time around,
seeing as how I’ve been here for a few hours and most of those few hours I was
unpacking and/or trying to stay upright. So, tomorrow you’ll see how I feel,
loves.

But, at this moment, I think I’m…happy. I’m hardly lucid enough to
even think straight, but if I just concentrate enough to see how I feel, I
suppose…happy works.

Traveling makes Laina a grumpy girl. As in kick someone with my blue
suede(ish) boots grumpy.

Anyway, yeah, I’m happyish. No, not ‘ish’. I am happy.

So the trip…long. Tiring. I got to watch two movies though: The
Green Hornet and I Am Number 4.

The Green Hornet was funny and fast and I have a mild celeb crush
(my celeb crushes go as far as “I like him.” And that’s basically it) on Seth
Rogen and the Asian guy, whose name I don’t know. Just because Seth Rogen is
funny and reminds me a bit of Booth (And because Pineapple Express, of course.)
And the Asian guy…he’s just awesome. Cameron Diaz was eh in the movie.
Overacted at some parts just a bit.

Then ‘I Am Number 4’…I’ll girl up and admit I was just about sold
when it showed Alex Pettyfer’s hot, topless bod…sigh. And, even when he went
blonde, which is so not my type, I
was smitten. His voice-over was kinda sucky, on account of it sounded like he
was reading it straight from the page (which admittedly, he probably was.) But as an actor and all around
hottie…eep!

And I think this may be the first time I’ve agreed with my besties
on the total yumminess of an actor. Must remember to tell them…anyway, yeah.

Once I was done being googly eyed and actually started watching the
movie, I was kinda pleased. Seemed short, and number 6 was kinda blah and not
in it much so her whole story was nil…but it was about Number 4. Who was a number 1 in my book…oookay, moving
on…

Yeah, after I was done mopping up my Alex drool (okay, that’s just
icky to think about!) I listened to music and just…was. You know? It sounds a
bit hippyish, but just ‘being’ is so relaxing.

Oh, we nearly didn’t get into Ireland. Funny story: apparently we
needed a work permit, seeing as how we’re going to be working. And the college
didn’t give us that or even a note explaining our lack thereof. They usually
just get the permits done after the students get there. Which, apparently,
isn’t legal. So the guy wasn’t going to let us through the gate. We, me and
Matt, the other new intern, had to sit and wait for a long time while the guy
called people. He ended up letting us in with a two-week pass to get the papers
taken care of. *sigh* I don’t think he liked me much at first, I’m afraid. What
ever.

I want my bed with a very uncool passion right now. 5+ hours to
go…HELP!

And now 4…I’m quite literally a blink away from saying “screw it”
and surrendering to the evil Mr. Sandman. (Who in the world thought of that
name for him???)

And I’m up…ish. Still ready to bow out gracefully, but I can take
it. 9 isn’t all that far away.

So, today…got into the airport at about 6:55. Got held up in
customs for a long while. Drove to the hotel. The others ate; I couldn’t, on
account of I can get ill eating a lot after traveling. Hung out with Breda, who
is the awesomest Irish lass in the whole freaking world. Toured my new shared
cottage with Tara and Ebony, the two girl interns – I get my own room!

Oh, and I’m in ‘adore’ with a new server here. Totally platonic at
all, I just like to look at him for some reason. He’s so tall and he’s almost
red-headed…or maybe he is red headed?
I can’t tell in this light. His lips are pink as wee. Pink pink. Panther pink. I adore Panther-lipped guys haha ;-) So,
he’ll the recipient of my adoration – in a platonic sense, of course, because I'm still super starfishy. Sorry,
his name’s Stephen.

Also, today, I re-hung out with Breda on account of I was in
perilous danger of nodding off in my bed after unpacking. She wsa on the front
desk (by the way, dear loves, if you could read this in my handwriting, you’d
be able to tell all the bits where I started nodding off while writing.) *sigh*

Anyway, the room card holders were out of order, so she let me put
them right. Next think I knew, were were checking guests in and working. And me
on my day off too! Haha but I love working. I’m happy to be helping. If I
wasn’t working, I’d for sure be asleep right now. I’m having fun.

Ack, stupid jet lag. Oh how I hate you!

Ahh the funniest thing just happened! I was sitting at the desk,
helping the other receptionist, Lynn, and she stepped away for a moment. And
while I was manning the desk, an older German couple I’d already checked in
came down to go to the bar. I chatted with them for a few minutes while they
waited for their friends to come from their room, and then the lady half of the
couple took my face and started petting my cheeks, and said I was so beautiful.
=) Then she asked if she could buy me!! Hahahahaha! And offered to take me back
to Spain with them if she could =) HAHA YES PLEASE! Can’t believe someone
thought I was pretty enough to purchase =) Now, if I could just get a guy my age to think that, I’d be set! Seriously
though, those German people were some of my favourite guests ever, not
including a couple of my Jersey Mike’s customers. They made my day like it’s
never been made before! <3

I want to learn to say “that’s grand” like these lovely Irish
peeps. That’s their equivalent of ‘that’s okay/fine.’ But I <3 it a bazillion
times more! It would be soooo awesome and me
if that was one thing I got here: ‘Grand’ =)

I am sooo happy to be here right now. My first day back, minus a
couple hiccups, has been…eeptastic! =) <3

Love and Kisses,

Laina =)

PS: Sorry it’s taking me so long to post these, my internet isn’t
working for some unbearably annoying reason =( But as soon as I get it up
(hahaha wowie, still a bit tired.) I’ll be online =)

May 25, 2011

Well…tomorrow…ah!

I’m beginning to feel those opening tremors. I hate how shaky I get
when I get nervous. And how I’m so easily psyched out. It’s silly.

AH!

Hahaha okay, down to business…

Yours truly is TRULY a college grad! Whoo-hoo! I graduated on
Saturday, May 21, 2011, and it was amazing. I got to see friends I’d been
missing, and got to do something I never got to do: the walk. I’m still kinda
waiting for it to hit me, that I actually did it. I, Alaina Davon, GRADUATED
with my A.A in baking and pastry…

The ceremony only lasted a couple hours, but it was lovely just the
same. Sooo many people. I was a nervous WRECK on the way to the city. Shaking
like a leaf. Couldn’t eat anything, and just…a mess. But, I calmed down once I
started seeing my friends, who I misssssssed! Hugged quite a few people, which
is sooo unlike me. I mean, I can usually count on one hand how many hugs I give
in a week. I don’t even know how many hugs I gave in that DAY!

So, at the start of the graduation, we all went upstairs to get our
numbered name cards (the numbers turned out to be obsolete, since they ended up
giving up on lining us up in numbers haha) and then went down to get some
graduating class photos. =) I had a graduating class, you guys!! Then it was
back upstairs for an attempt at a lineup, but after lining up the
masters/bachelors degree receivers, they nixed the idea for the associate
getters, ‘cause we had double the others, I think.

The speeches were okay. I mean, I’ve never been big on speeches.
Just someone talking, even when it’s important, makes me zone and my mind goes
all over the place. I can usually get the gist of what they’re talking about,
though. Anyway, speeches. Many many speeches. In reality, there were maybe half
a dozen. But it felt like double.

I swear, one guy talked for 20 minutes, and it was a wonderful
speech and he’s a great guy with a fantastic goal, but…*sigh* his opening was a
story about him and his wife picking and eating fresh asparagus in a field. He
said, and I quote: “they were juicy.” And I was gone.

Some people, I realize, aren’t built for giving speeches. Me, for
example. But, really…“they were juicy” doesn’t quite work for me. It sounded
like, and I’m almost 100% certain, he was reading it off a paper. But, honestly…I
don’t even know why this upset me. It just seemed so juvenile for a grown,
adult, experienced chef. I dunno, maybe I’m just picky.

And my favourite chef ever
got an award! Yay! Chef Bandula, a world-class pastry chef with probably
hundreds of awards and accolades under his belt, was presented with a chef of
the year award by my first culinary chef, Chef Yeager. =) That was awesome for
two reasons. For one, Chef Bandula retired this year. Oh so sad. =’( But he’s
positively awesome and adored me (hehehe) and I adored both of his classes,
even showpieces which I thought I’d do horribly in. I adore him. I mean, old
little Polish men are, by far the best ever =)

And the second reason: I swear there were at least half a dozen
applauses for Chef Yeager. Everybody loves that guy. The guys think he’s the
coolest. The girls think he’s gorgeous. Everybody thinks he’s hilarious. Just
all around a wonderful guy. Haha but seriously, a couple of times, he said
something sweet and like all the girls did a collective “awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww”
before the clapping began again. I wanted to laugh soooo bad!

Then it was walk time. I was the last person up! Haha and even
though the president asked us not to cheer individually, that was ignored
promptly. There were people everybody loved and who couldn’t just walk across
that stage in silence. So we cheered. Annnnd, all my friends did a super loud
cheer for me and I almost tripped over my feet, I was so surprised and I got
all teary once I made it safely down the stairs (I was choking back tears so I
could do that without injuring myself haha.) But how awesome that was! I mean,
I know I had friends and all, but when they called my name and I started
walking, I felt like I was hit with a wall of cheers from the people I’ve known
for almost two years. It was just…wow, I don’t even know. I was thinking “you
like me! You really like me!” haha someone please tell me, was that in a
movie?? ‘Cause I feel like it was.

Anyway, then went the certificate people. I had no idea how many
certificate students were at that school! So many! The associates took up I
think 4 rows, and the associates took maybe 2? It was a lot, either way. And
then a quick little speech and we were graduated! No hat tossing (because only
the masters/bachelors had the traditional cap and gown. The
associates/certificates had tall chef hats with stars in the top.) (I love
stars by the way.)

I am so proud of myself. That, even when I was questioning my
abilities and wondering if it was even worth it when I was unhappy with
something and everything, I still made it through.

I’ve wanted to be a baker for most of my life, I think. Sure, I’m
also leaning toward – striving toward, actually – becoming a writer, but I can
do both, I hope. How many people in this world can say they grew up to do what,
and be what they wanted to be since they were a child??

And now…I’m sorry to say, I’m terrified. I mean, it’s one thing to
get through the classes. It’s a whole different ballpark to actually DO what
you’ve been training for. I know, I have years and years to get it right, and
to train myself. I’ll always be learning.

There were times when I didn’t feel quite good enough. There were
always people in my class who did more, did better, had better views, better
art. Art’s not my forte (I prefer the production.) And I’m always my absolute
WORST critic, so even if my teacher said whatever it was we were doing that day
was good, I knew it could have been better. But, honestly, it probably couldn’t
have been. I gave my all in each and every single project I attempted.
Sometimes it was good, other times not so much. But 100% has many forms, you
know? And my 100% was often worse than others, but it was my 100%.

I suppose in a few years, all this fretting will be a silly, stupid
memory I can look back on with a smile as I cut the ribbon to my very own,
brand new bakery and dessert shop (if I do intend to stick with that idea. I
kind of like it, but I’ve also been a fan of bakery/cafes….but is that
overdone, do you think? Oh well, no reason to decide now.)

And then I’ll think, wow! For one thing, I was a silly little
goose. For another, everybody has their moments of doubt. C’est la vie.

Ahh Ireland! It’s in the process of hitting me, that I’m moving
there for 6 months. I mean, my bags are all packed and ready and I’m staring at
my flight information, but, really, I won’t feel it till that
honest-to-goodness shaking starts probably the second it’s time to leave.

And what have I to be nervous about? Other than leaving the country
and starting a new era of my life, and finding out if I have the cajones to do
this, and being on my onesie again further than I’ve ever been, and…okay, those
are all reasons. Perfectly fine. You know? I suppose most people are nervous
about changes this big. So why not me?

I’ve decided to be alive again this time. I was…plenty alive, back
in September/October. Hell, I still don’t know what got into me! So I’ll be
that Alaina, but older. Everything that happened there…and if you know me at
all, you know what that everything entailed…anyway, everything that happened
there was me being alive and so
young. Now, I’ll be alive and…a grown up, I suppose.

Thinking about everything, the big everything that it was, is
funny. I was so hopelessly pathetic. During and after, for about a month. I
think, when one goes through life with very few social interactions and then
suddenly, is in college and dealing with people, more people in a day than I
probably dealt with in a week, you try to catch up too quickly, make up for
lost time.

I was homeschooled for most of my life, and the few times I
actually went to a real school, I rarely saw much of my friends, or the ones I
had were as introverted as I was. Not the best way to come of age. I don’t
regret any of my school years, really. It made me…me. I like me. Just the way I am.

Anyway, back to what I was saying before I distracted myself. The
everything – which is what I’ve decided to call it, because I give impersonal
names to everything – was a bit too……quick. But I suppose, that’s how I do
these things. More about that later…

Haha I can feel how much older I’ve gotten in, what, 6-7 months? I
know, that’s a long time, but in terms of maturing and aging, it’s nothing at
all. But I know I’m different. I found my Ireland diary, and before dismantling
it, I read it. I think I started out with it going on about my day and how
excited I was to be there and how beautiful everything was…and after that
second Sunday…yeah, that all got shot straight to hell. I don’t think I posted
much from my diary from that point on. Maybe the odd, daily to-dos and
interesting things going on. Believe me, you wouldn’t want to know what was going on in my tiny little mind.

Goodness, I was a mess.

Anyway….yeah, older. Wiser, hopefully. Stronger. More jaded, on
account of stupid people. *sigh* but hey, maybe that’ll be a good thing for me.
Finally get my head out of the clouds. Romance is blah for me right now. I
don’t get into it quite like I used to a few months ago. I’m more starfishy
than ever! =)

So, about the “that’s how I do these things” bit. Guys are so…grr.
I don’t even know how to express how absolutely annoying and tiring and
irritating I find them. Not ALL guys, because, let’s face it, there are a few I
adore with everything I’ve got…as friends. I’ve never met a guy I liked in a
romantic sense that I didn’t end up wanting to castrate. Okay, maybe one or
two, but seriously? I have the possibly
worst track record with guys, which is insane! I mean, I’m gorgeous, sweet,
I can bake, I can write, I give every romantic attempt my all…so what am I
doing wrong??

According to one doofus, I give too much, or whatever. Yeah, a guy
I was interested in, and who was very briefly interested in me, said I wasn’t
enough of a challenge. I liked him too much…? Uh…huh? I’d think guys would like
not doing the whole silly cat and mouse game? It’s not like I’m easy; just, when I like a guy, I like a guy and invariably make myself
look like a baby trying to make it work. So, the childishness was probably the
real destroyer…but what ever. I don’t give a damn if they don’t like it the way
I give it; it’s just not for them, then. They can move on and so will I and
I’ll eventually find someone who can take what I give.

Somehow, something about me loses their interest for a bit, and
then they remember me and say ‘oh, she was cute/cool/whatever. I wonder if
she’ll talk to me.”

HAHAHAHAHA YOU GUYS ARE FREAKING HILARIOUS!

I give multiple chances, don’t get me wrong. But if months go by
when you have every chance in the world to say hi and you’re sorry, and you
don’t take those chances, I get bored and tired of waiting. I’ll actively wait
about a week. Then it’s up to you. I’m not gonna make you talk to me, dears.
I’m not even gonna get mad when you decide to hit me up just because. But I’ll
be damned if you get anywhere near me. I’m not some sort of winter coat you can
shove in the back of the closet for the other three seasons and pull out when
it gets cold.

I’ve had this happen to me too many times, and I’ve gotten so tired
of it. After letting one particular person back, I discovered it was probably
best he not be there, since I have flares…

Poor silly Alaina. Such a baby.

So, as of now, there are no guys worth one second of my time. I
know that now, and from now on, I won’t just open to them because they’re cute
or they say I’m pretty or whatever crap guys spew. (Though, the ‘pretty’ isn’t
crap…it’s hardly enough, on the other hand…) Anyway, I’m gonna take some
convincing and hard work. I’m not going to start with 100%. I’ll work my way up
if I want, and if they can’t take that, okay. Screw ‘em.

I’m not ever gonna sell
myself short or settle for someone. I don’t want to question whether or not he
really likes me. Whether or not what we had or did was just him trying to get
his rocks off.

Let this be a warning: I’m not here for a quick tumble, a two-second
romance, pointless flirting, taking up closet space, or anything along those
lines. If you want me, you’re gonna have to work.

Hahaha okay, off my pedestal. Anyway….

Ireland! What I meant to
focus on and somehow got sidetracked. I had the most amazing time, not
including the everything. I mean, I really came out of my shell. I suppose it
wasn’t enough, since the Chef there said on the last day during my exit
interview that it was the most he’d heard me talk since I got there…oops. Haha
whatever. I’m a quiet, do-person. Some people can talk and talk and talk
forever and nothing gets done, and some talk and do at the same time. I’m a
doer before a talker. If I have something to say or ask, it’ll come out, but
casual convo is not my forte. Deal with it, loves.

That being said, I will try to get out there more. While I did some
pretty wild things…which some people won’t let me forget…you know who you are,
loves. Anyway, while I did some wild things, that was giddiness. It was
temporary. And I was different once I got home. I was more outgoing. I’m just
hoping this time around, I’ll double or even triple that. Wish me luck.

So, Ireland. So many people have asked me why I loved it there. Or,
the awful, unanswerable question: what did I love most about it? For both of those, I have no idea. I just know I was
happier there than I’ve ever been anywhere. It was a bit like falling in love,
really. Sure, I had my bad days, but for the most part, I felt like I could
breathe for the first time. Like nothing could touch me. Like I was home. Or at
least somewhere I felt like I fit.

And when I left, I cried. The second our wheels left the pavement,
the tears came. And I’ve never cried to leave a place before. I cried the first time I left home, back in September
’09, but that was because I was leaving my family and friends and going out on
my own. To cry because of a place is…oh, I don’t know. I don’t actually cry a
lot. When I get mad, my eyes tear up, yeah, and if I’m watching a sad movie.
But, crying in front of people who aren’t my family…can’t say that happens,
pretty much ever.

You know, I wrote something like this in my fictional college
story. Basically, that’s about me and my spectacular guy drama (haha
coincidence, I think not!) and my wonderful trip to Ireland.

By the way, let me just say, I will never ever write a fictional
story about anybody real again…unless they piss me off…because it’s kinda
dangerous. Too many ‘coincidences’ for my taste.

Anyway, umm, yeah. In my story, well the sequel to the unfinished
first one (haha,) I ended up deciding to move back to Ireland to be with my
manly man Dominic.

While I don’t have a manly man waiting for me in Ireland, ahahaha,
the fact that before I even went, I thought that my character would move back
to Ireland, and now I am is just one
more creepy coincidence piled on top of the oh so very many my besties and I
discovered. (Oh, Britt and Jenn, if you read this, did we ever notice that I
got drunk in Ireland in real life and story life, for the first time? A little
coinkydink, but still! I also have a thought coincidence. Remind me to tell you
about it.)

So, sorry. Back to this. I think, if you had told me two years ago, before I started school, that I’d do all that I did and I’d move back to Ireland, I would’ve laughed. For one thing, I was already writing my story and that would’ve been odd. For another, come on. All that happening to little old
me? Never.

But, here I am, on the eve of my ascent to the skies, typing as
fast as I possibly can, because I discovered that moving a lot was helpful to
get me to calm down. I’m remembering the past two years happily. Every last,
dramatic, boring, eventful, sad, stupid, embarrassing,
‘dear-goodness-Alaina-get-a-grip,’
‘dear-goodness-Alaina-WHAT-WERE-YOU-THINKING’ moment of all that time. And, you
know what?

I think I’m happy with it. =)

Gonna stop boring you with my constant ramblings and distractions
and such.

Love and kisses, loves.

Alaina =)

PS: I’m posting this when I get to Ireland, on account of no
internet where I am. But, hey, you’ll get a double feature, because I’m sure
I’ll have some witty comments about the trip.

<3

My Extra Credit Essay for Irish History

Hello, loves. I'm so sorry I haven't posted in such a very long time. No computer, and I forget to do it in the school library =( Sorrrrry! Anyway, here is an essay I wrote for an extra-credit assignment for Irish History, that I loved and my teacher loved. It's an explaination of C.S. Lewis' "Prelude to Space" one of my new favorite poems =) Sorry, you have to download the essay if you want to read it. The copy-paste thing isn't working for some reason!! =(

And I promise, I will post a bit about my life on Wednesday!!

Kissssses!! =)

_______________________________

Download Extra Credit - C.S LEWIS

Sex Without Love, My Super Spectacular Essay

So I finally found my essay!! Yay! I'd sent it to one of my friends and I just remembered that, so you guys  can now read my favorite essay ever!! Seriously, I'm freaking proud of this one. <3 Tell me what you think!! I never found out what my teacher thought of it =/

KISSSSSES!!

++

Alaina Fleming

Professor Knauff

English 102

August 12, 2010

A Beautiful Divide in “Sex Without Love”

Those who commit the offense of having sex without love are solitary creatures - like lone runners, skaters, dancers - whose pleasure comes from a partner who is simply a “factor” (21), and share only in their own euphoria. Through use of simile, metaphor, and literal and figurative language, Sharon Olds reveals her disgust of those who make love without love, and also a somewhat aesthetic awe at the majesty of the act. 

Sharon Olds was born in San Francisco and grew up in Berkeley, CA. She was the child of a drunken, abusive father and a meek, depressed mother, both described eloquently in her poem “The Pact”:

“like a stuck
buffalo, baffled, stunned, dragging
arrows in his side”, of her father;

And her mother: “wept at

noon into her one ounce

of cottage cheese” (The Pact).

Her parents’ issues were an obvious influence on her poetry; for instance, her impassioned poem, “I Go Back to May 1937”, expresses how she wishes she could’ve stopped her naive parents from beginning their disastrous young marriage. At the end of that poem, she decides that maybe it wasn’t so bad, because she came from it, declaring: “I want to live…Do what you are going to do, and I will tell about it,” (Olds) accepting and punishing them at the same time. She studied at Stanford University, in California, and received her PhD in 1972 at Columbia University in New York. Currently, she teaches creative writing at New York University and the Goldwater Hospital. Her first collection, Satan Says, was published in 1980.

Olds is well-known for her focus on themes of sexuality and family, “fluid, descriptive free verse” poems which were laden in metaphors (Drabble). They are extremely candid, even scandalous, and are commended and condemned alike. Her approach toward her poetry can be summed up in her quote from an interview with Dwight Garner: “I want to be able to write about any subject.” And she most certainly does. In the words of a supporter and fellow poet, Peter Redgrove, “Every poem is a wonder – strong, actual, unsentimental and without bullshit – in a world glowing with solid reality” (Kennedy). To the cynics, particularly notable critic Helen Vendler, she is self-indulgent, a sensationalist with a penchant for the salacious (Dillingham). There is eroticism present in a good many of her poems, but it is not always a pure, innocently beautiful sensuality. She is blunt, frank in her subjects, particularly in Satan Says, which is the collection “Sex Without Love” is taken from.

“How do they do it, the ones who make love without love?” (1-2) The speaker plunges right into the poem with a question that remains unanswered and sets the theme of the play. The speaker later repeats the question, wondering how the lovers can achieve their ecstasy, how they can see “God” in their climax and then the “still waters” (8-13) of the afterglow without some sort of deep emotional connection with their fellow adventurer.

“Sex Without Love” is very graphic, despite the fact that there are few bodily references and no tangible actions are made. It focuses very harshly on the facet of human superficiality, particularly when engaging in one of the most intimate moments a person can experience.

“Faces red as steak, wine, wet as the

 children at birth whose mothers are going

to give them away” (6-8)

Here is an accurate display of figurative language, and simile, pinpointing the physical reactions of uninhibited passion between two people. Again, very little physical contact is mentioned. The only two examples are: “fingers hooked inside each other’s bodies” (4-5), and later “light rising slowly as steam off their joined skin” (11-13). The few references to touch emphasize the degree of disconnection in the lovers’ acts. Not an ounce of romance is given to these two contact moments; they are only on the surfaces, on the skin.

The speaker compares the paramours first to dancers, then ice skaters, then undesired children, and finally to solo runners; and all of the comparisons are cold, isolated. When they are compared to skaters, the speaker gives no reference to any sort of togetherness. Ice skaters are generally cold, being on ice, and the simile brings to mind the coolness of a person isolated and alone. While the speaker doesn’t say it, the aloofness and isolation of dancing is implied. An image comes to mind, of a ballerina in a solo, with no attendants, no help, alone, and center-stage. The unwanted children “whose mothers are going to give them away” stir up thought of being unloved and discarded. As runners, the chill comes back: “they are like great runners: they know they are alone with the road surface, the cold, the wind…” (18-19). Nothing could be more literally or metaphorically translated than that.

“These are the true religious,

the purists, the pros, the ones who will not

accept a false Messiah, love the

priest instead of the God” (13-16).

In this religious allegory, the priest is the sex, and “God” is their lover. They do not have any emotional attachment to the God, the lover. They refuse to “accept a false Messiah,” but love the priest all the same. The “Messiah” is the pleasure they are given by “God”. They will not take a false pleasure, or pleasure from themselves, because it would be a sham. Alternately, the pleasure they are receiving from their bedmate is just as phony, as it is contained to the body and not the soul. The lovers, much like many churchgoers, attend not for the service or religion. The priest and recognition is what they are there for. They love the sex. The sex is a compulsion, and therefore not emotionally charged.

By the end of the poem, and the final surge to the climax, it is all about the single person. “They do not mistake the lover for their own pleasure” (16-17). Their consort is no longer with them except in the artificial joining of their bodies, as the soloists - “single body alone in the universe” (23) - strive to make this rush, this orgasm, their best ever - “against its own best time” (24) - using their partner’s body as an impersonal means to an end.

This poem speaks of solitude and superficiality. Olds denounces modern society’s flippant attitude concerning intercourse, claiming that it is impersonal and lonely. Despite her misgivings, the sex is no less beautiful or artistic when two people are alone in it. Instead of being a breathtaking act between two entities, they are beautiful as some solo element: the dancer, skater, and runner.

 

 

Works Cited

"Olds, Sharon." Encyclopædia Britannica. Encyclopædia Britannica Online. Encyclopædia Britannica, 2010. Web. 27 July 2010 <http://www.search.eb.com.researchport.umd.edu:2058/eb/article-9098533>.

Dillingham, Thomas F. "About Sharon Olds." Modern American Poetry. Oxford University Press. Web. 29 Aug. 2010. <http://www.english.illinois.edu/maps/poets/m_r/olds/about.htm>.

Drabble, Margaret, ed. The Oxford Companion to English Literature. Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2000. 740.

Olds, Sharon. “Sex without Love”. Literature and the Writing Process. Ed. Elizabeth McMahan, Susan X Day, and Robert Funk. 8^th ed. Upper Saddle River: Prentice, 2007. 666.

Kennedy, Al. "Sharon Olds: Blood, Sweat and Fears." The Independent. 27 Oct. 2006. Web. 08 Aug. 2010. <http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/books/features/sharon-olds-blood-sweat-and-fears-421691.html>.

Olds, Sharon. "I Go Back to May 1937." The Gold Cell. New York: Knoph, 1987.

"Sharon Olds." Interview by Dwight Garner. Salon. Salon, 1 July 1996. Web. 30 July 2010. <http://www.salon.com/weekly/interview960701.html>.

Olds, Sharon. "The Pact." Akoot Famous Writers. 2004. 30 Jul 2010 http://www.akoot.com/sharonolds6.html>.

 

Hey loves, again

It's yours truly and I'm so truly sad to be leaving in the morning. I've cried twice already and I feel another bout coming on, but I'm indoors around people and so I can't do it now.

But I just wanted to say hello and let you all know I'm leaving soon. SO FREAKING SAD!!

And I really am going to miss a certain someone. =( Gah I hate liking people with a passion!! Life and Aphrodite hate my guts.

Later, loves,

<3 Laina!!

Hellooooo again!

Sooooo....let's see. Umm hi!

Looong weekend. Worked Wednesday through Saturday, and Sunday night, we allllll went out! Like all of us. Girl interns included (they never go out) and some of the staff. Soooo fun! I danced my butt off with Ludi, my French amour =) She's soooo funny. We both got pretty drunk (yay!) and we raced through 3 drinks. She won once, then we tied, and then I won. Whoo hoo!! Took pictures in the bathroom. I never told you guys about the bathroom at Club V, did I? Well, on the doors, there are pics of bodies, a guy body on the guy door, and a girl's body on the girl door. And then in the actual bathroom, when you open the door, there's a giant sized pic of a guy's torso, shirtless, and then one of a guy's head by the sinks. My pic is the one by the door and Ludi's is the one by the sinks =) Fun stuff.

Umm yeah. No hangover again! Instead, I was really mellow. Like silent mellow. Jenny thinks that's probably how I get hangovers. I'm all for that haha. I slept most of Monday hahaha Soooo exhausted!

And yesterday was supposed to be our day off, but there was a "function" so we worked. I did dishes. Fun stuff. It wasn't so bad. I volunteered for it.

SOOOO SAD TO BE GOING HOME IN 2 DAYS!! =`( Having a conversation with Nicole right now about me crying when we leave. =(

Ahhh my mp3 player keeled over!! =( WAHHHHHHHHHHH!! My poor Zen is no more. *sigh* I didn't even drop it! I was so sure that if I dropped it one more time, that would be the end of it. But no, it just decided to not work all by itself. *sigh* Oooh freaking dear, this is going to be a loooong flight back!! =(

Talk to you later, loves,

<3 Laina

Hello, loves...

Well, it's been a few days and not alot has actually happened. Umm I've worked. I was on service for two days this week, which was okay, I suppose, but then I finally got back in the kitchen yesterday, which was good. I made bread, danish dough--let me tell you something about danish dough: I CAN'T FREAKING MAKE IT! You need to roll that stuff out, and the tables here go above my waist, so it's freaking hard to get any sort of leverage, plus, you're supposed to keep the dough cold. Have you ever tried to roll out COLD dough??? It's not fun!! My arms are KILLING me now. You have to roll it out like 4-5 times, and I was standing on my toes the whole time and the table kept moving, so I eventually shoved it against the ovens to keep it still, and even then, it took me forever. =P

Okay, then I made chocolate cupcakes. They were supposed to be red velvet, but I used a devil's food cake recipe and added food coloring since I couldn't find a recipe for red velvet. But I mixed them wrong, so they ended up kinda reddish-purplish-brown. Oh well. Still tasted yummy. They were super delicate and a pain to frost. =) But everybody loved them.

Umm yeah...in the kitchen again today, yay. I'm so happy to be back in there, but I don't know if I'll be in the bakery, which is my area, because my friend Nicole, who is a cooking major, doesn't like the kitchen so she's usually in the bakery. We shall see, I suppose.

<3 This place, but kinda sad lately. My farce of a lovelife is such a pain. Why do people need that anyway? Yeah, right now, I'm anal about the whole love-like-life thing. Cuz I'm constantly liking people I can't have. I suppose I should be used to it by now, but this one actually likes me, but he's not supposed to and I'm just tired of this whole thing. If I get that internship, we might actually try dating, which would be really awesome, so cross your fingers, loves, pretty please. We shall see, I suppose. I've said that before, but whatever.

Even if there's not a chance for us, I'd love to come back here, because I feel like I'm real here. Real-er than I have been, anyway. I feel alive here. <3

Going to get ready for work.

Love and kisses,

Laina <3

Pictures of my triiiiip!!

Dear loves,

I am oh so very sorry I haven't uploaded many pics of my trip, but typepad takes too long, since you have to do it one pic at a time =( Buuut I just got a photobucket account so you can all drool over this wonderful country I'm in!! I'll try to upload them as quickly as possible!

http://s1136.photobucket.com/albums/n481/Almostluver/MY%20SECOND%20MOST%20FAVORITEST%20PLACE%20IN%20THE%20WORLD/

LOVE AND KISSES,

LAINA!!

HEY GUESS WHAT?!?!

I GOT KISSSSSED <3

Like real kissed. On the lips kissed. Several times kissed. =O You have NOO idea how happy I am right now! 1 month to the day after my birthday, so I'll remember it haha.

I promise I'll tell the whole story soooon, but not right now. =)

Love and kisses

LAINA!!

Hello loves =)

Yours truly is so truly sorry I haven't updated as much as I wanted to =( Being computerless is both good and bad, I suppose. More bad cuz you guys have to wait days and weeks to hear about my fantabulous time in Ireland. =( *sigh* But at least I'm not on it like 24/7 anymore.

Soooo let's see...what has happened since the last time I posted? It's been a week and several days.

Umm...oh, the day after I got drunk for the first time, we all went to Dublin...that was a fun trip! We sort of split up--well, two of the guys left and the other guy and all of us girls stuck together. We had no interest in getting lost in a foreign city. =P One of the girls, Nicole, got a tattoo, which was really cool. It's words, and when you look at it one way, it says "respect" and the other way says "betrayal." She has like 17 total now and she's going for 22 before her birthday in a few weeks. Then we shopped for a little bit. I didn't get much. We met up with one of the guys (the other one planned on staying the night so he just went MIA all day) and they had lunch at...McDonalds, of all places. (But it was still very different. Everything tastes different here.) After lunch, we walked around and searched for a couple of famous bars and they went in a wax museum...and I didn't cuz I can't. I really don't like those places. So I stayed out with Nicole, who also was creeped out. By the time we went looking for the Guiness Factory, everybody was tired and a few were cranky. (Not me, cross my heart. I haven't been very cranky at this whole trip. Just yesterday I was down cuz I was going through the worst part of a chest cold and had pre-period cramps.) So we didn't actually make it there. Oh well. I wasn't going to pay to take a tour of somewhere I wasn't especially interested in seeing anyway. Besides, it was getting late. And we walked back to the main street, and tried to find the bus stop...yeah there wasn't one. Took us like half an hour to get someone to tell us that we had to go to the bus station and forever longer to find out where it actually WAS! And by that time, Nicole had cussed out Bailey I think twice, and he'd gotten pissy and so had Ben, and I was quietly amused. Martha, who is pregnant, was quiet cuz she was tired and Jenny was quiet too.

The ride back was quiet and long. Most everybody fell asleep. But I can't sleep in vehicles, planes included, so I was up and listened to music. <3 fun day.

Let's see...umm...yeah I've worked alot. I love working in the bakery part of the kitchen, of course, but I haven't been in there since like the first week =( I've done service...that was an experience. Not something I'm interested in actually doing ever again. Haha I have it tomorrow. And I've worked maintenence, and in the "garden" though I only worked in the actual garden for a couple of hours and then it was just working mostly in the trees and bushes around the hotel. *uggh* I can't wait till I get back in the kitchen, though Chef said he might put me in the front where the food-food is made! Yikes!!

And I've been drunk again!! Haha this time was muuuuch more fun. Embarassingly so, but still. =) So we went out on Sunday, all of us, even the French students - did I tell you there were French students here? Cuz there are and they're AWESOME - but only one of them went to the club after the pub. It was INSANE. I had *way* more drinks this time (and before you get on my case, yes, I was fine. Not too stupid and I knew where I was and what I was doing the whole time, but I am definitely going to lighten up if we go out again, cross my heart.)  Anyway, yeah, at the club...well I had several drinks (Smirnoffs all night!) and danced my butt off  =) I managed to get Ryan and Jeff on the dancefloor, but Jeff only stayed a few minutes each time and I had to keep dragging him back. I'm bossy when I'm drunk and hyper and having fun. But it's in a totally adorable way, of course! And then the club closed at about 2ish and we left and stopped at Roma's, the fast food place in town. It was PACKED. haha umm we walked back in the dark, and Nicole and I were hanging on Jeff and Ryan like limpets, cuz even drunk the dark is SCARY!! I was talking soooo freaking much! Umm yeah haha this is where it gets interesting and embarrassing.

See, what happened was I told Jeff I thought he and Ryan were cute, when we were at the pub. And so when I suggested we go swimming again, Jeff wouldn't come cuz he said it would "be more fun" if Ryan and I went alone. (Before you freak, nothing happened. But I'll tell the story haha and stop interrupting myself.) Annnyway, nothing happened. We went in, got cold and wet and got the heck out! Haha when we got back, Nicole left and Jeff went to bed so Ryan and I hung out for HOURS. Like hours hours. Annnnd...well......

Yeah, let me remind you I was drunk at the time and I already had the HUGEST crush on Ryan so yeah. Put two and two together...again, nothing happened, but it was the most...contact-filled night of my life. Basically, I confessed to liking him, he did the same (but he was drunk at the time so I don't know if that counts? He said he wasn't too drunk, but I dunno.) and he's supposed to kiss me before I leave. A real kiss, cuz I wouldn't let him kiss me drunk. What kind of a lame first kiss would that be?? Anyway, yuuup...he kept kissing my head and cheek and got my neck a couple of times...he has a goatee and I kept squinching down cuz it tickled. If I move back, there's a chance we might date...mmhmm, right, right? Haha I'm too cynical when it comes to my lovelife, I suppose. Anyway, yeah. It was a fun night, and not just cuz of that. I loved it - oh, he held my hand most of the time, and when he started yawning at like 5ish, and I asked if I should go, he wanted me to stay!! That was my happy thought for days: he wanted me to stay. =) And now I have an even huger crush on him. Whoopie. =P I love/hate liking people. Neither of us has said much about it, but oh well. I'm trying to muster up my gumption and do something about it, but we'll see =P Cross your fingers for me, cuz I REALLY like him. *sigh*

Haha all of the girls know I like him, and they think it's hilarious! I was trying to not be so freaking transparent, cuz I always give myself away, but oh well. =P C'est la vie.

Hmm he owes me a shirt, still. =)

Sorry, random thought.

I've come out of my shell so much since I've been here. I love it, and so does everybody else, except Ben who liked the shy quiet me but oh well. I'm happy here, and I want to live here. Cross your fingers for me, will you? That I'll get to stay? =)

I hate banks. Someone got into my account yet again and charged a $824 charge to paypal and I got an overdraft fee, so I had to get ahold of them, which wasn't fun and took much too long! *sigh* but it's taken care of. Going to close my account when I get back to the states and open a new one.

Mmm so that's my life and times. <3 Oh, went to the Cliffs of Moher on Tuesday. Absolutely breathtaking! We went out on a boat to see them from below and I got soaked and it was amazing. =) I'll post pics when I get my flashdrive and a chance =P

<3 and kisssssses, loves

Laina =)